Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I'm Totally Crushed!

I'm so hurt right now really not sure what to think or feel anymore or even who to trust. I'm so bad for trusting too easy sometimes and its what hurts me. I have been seeking out surrogacy as a last option for me and Joe to have kids granted it wouldn't be right now due to financial issues but I wanted to start looking now and get to know someone and become close friends so it wouldn't feel as awkward to me. Well I found this one site with great people on it and ran across this one girl who I thought would be perfect she wasn't all about the money like some which was great due to the fact NC surrogacy laws is no form of compensation goes to the surrogate only payment would be health insurance if needed and lawyer fees. Anyways we got to talkin and we seemed to connect I even explained financial issues and she was fine with that she wanted to wait til the fall to do it anyways then I explained maybe in a yr or so and she said that would be great because we found out due to her bein 17 and 18 in like a month that she would have to be 21 to go through with some of the procedures so we agreed to grow the friendship up to then and proceed. That would gave me 2 yrs to work with almost 3 and she wanted to do it in august so I would've had my May baby I have always wanted. Well I contacted her like a lil over a week ago and plainly said if she found someone she was closer too or whatever to go for it cause she was in Texas.... Well she replied no worries I will wait for you and that really meant alot. Sadly I guess I fell for it and really believed it well after losing the link to the site and gettin back on there tonight I see she had posted she had found intended parents well I thought she was talkin bout us til I read along and she had found someone after not hearing from me in 5 days. Crazy madness and hurt all went through me how was this to be and of all the people on the site it was another girl I had been talkin to as friends who has PCOS like me. My question is am I over reacting I mean I told her to move on if she could yet this girl in VA so thats no closer than me or is it the fact she went behind my back after telling me she would wait what made this worse? Do I even have a right to feel betrayed? I just don't understand it because she can't do the tests til she's 21 so now she will be working along with this girl instead now instead of to get to know me after I poured my heart out to her...I feel crushed!

2 amazing comments:

EmmysBoosAndRawrs said...

I of course understand that it's easier to say now that it's happened than tiw ould have been to say ahead of time...but she's SUPER young. Is she even out of high school? The chances of an 18 year old backout have got to be 10 times as likely as a 28 year old that said the same thing.

I know a little about pcos, but not a ton. I have a cousin who has PCOS and was on medication for a few years, and was able to get pregnant. Is this something you could look into?

Also, what about fertility treatments? I know some people with pcos successfuly have kids after treatment - look at kate gosselin - lol. just kidding, not that you want 8 kids, but she does have pcos and was able to conveive after treatment.

surrogacy just seems like a very scary situation. I've heard that a lot of women 'fall in love' with the baby in their belly, even if they KNOW it's not theirs. & although if you have made a contract/agreement, i don't think there would be anything that the surrogate mother could do to keep teh child from you after birth, it could be an extremely difficult situation for everyone involved if the woman decides she doesn't want to give the child up anymore. Also, I think it'd be a much easier situation for a woman to be a surrogate mother for someone they were related to or were extremely close to - although pregnancy is beautiful, amazing, and lots of other things as well, it's also very trying on your body, stressful, etc. It's got to be a rare thing for a woman to be interested in going through with a pregnancy for someone they only know over the internet.

I don't know. I guess what i'm saying is I really feel for you, I can't imagine how hurt you must be. However, at the same time maybe you should consider other options that are less likely to be as painful, because surrogacy seems to come with a LOT of risks emotionally.

Julie said...

I am so sorry that it didn't work out. Plus,you are not "bad" for trusting some one so easily-to me it shows that you have a soft heart-don't be so hard on yourself :)